Perpetual Nocturnal Abyss Time

It has happened again, friends. We’ve “fallen back.” 

Daylight Saving Time is in the rearview mirror and the gates of infinite darkness have opened; we’ve started the inescapable plunge into the obsidian hell called winter. 

We’ve now entered “Standard Time,” or more accurately, “Perpetual Nocturnal Abyss Time.” 

Personally speaking, the beginning of November to the end of February is a tipsy season I like to call “Cocktail Time.” One for you, two for me. 

Cheers!

So why are we made to suffer through this change every year? As if the impending doom of another frigid winter isn’t enough, we must face the prospect of living on the dark side of the moon for the next four months. 

It’s really a bit much for even the cheeriest of souls.

Blame Germany

Daylight Saving Time (DST) started in Germany during the First World War ostensibly as a means of conserving coal. This new concept initially seemed to be a smart idea. However, it is now an antiquated notion currently employed by only about 70 countries in the world. 

Even worse, the application of DST is a worldwide hack job. 

Really, it is an international you-know-what-show as each country follows its own set of rules and protocols without regard to neighboring nations: the European Union switches to Standard Time a week earlier than the United States and Canada, while Chile and Paraguay are the only two countries in South America that even bother observing DST. 

Then there is Lord Howe Island in Australia, which adjusts its clocks by 30 minutes, rather than the traditional hour.

Why? Because Australians like a good laugh.

An Act of Congress

The European Union has discussed ending DST altogether, but some voice concern over such a radical move. (Fun fact: Iceland has not used DST since October 29, 1967. And Iceland is doing just fine, thanks). Just to make life interesting, under Brexit, the United Kingdom could end up in two time zones; one employing DST, the other not. 

But the United Kingdom has got nothing on the good ol’ United States. At least 19 states have either enacted or passed legislative bills electing to keep DST permanent. But like everything in the U.S., it’s not that easy. 

In typical convoluted fashion, making DST permanent would literally require an act of United States Congress. While all states are legally allowed to forgo DST (most of Arizona does, and all of Hawaii does; Indiana did, now it doesn’t), Congress must pass a law allowing states to observe DST year round, if they so choose. 

To put another way, it is possible that someday the U.S. could have states that observe DST in its present state, others that employ DST permanently and still others that forgo DST entirely. All at the same time.

In 1969, the band Chicago asked “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” There can be no doubt they were referring to the Daylight Saving Time fiasco.

The Price We Pay

While DST proponents argue that longer hours of daylight in the summer may help reduce road accidents, conserve energy used for artificial lighting and give farmers an extended workday (in fact, the agricultural industry has lobbied against DST for years), we all know why the time change is still observed: to give people longer summer nights to rest and relax.

Now heaven knows I’m not opposed to rest and relaxation. But for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. What is the price we pay when we “fall back?” 

A season of blackness. 

We drive to our jobs in the dark. We pick up groceries after work in the dark. We walk the dog in the evening in the dark. 

We get into our jammies at 5:45 PM, because the murky gloom of the late afternoon messes with our sensitive circadian rhythms. We fight the feeling of constant exhaustion because our bodies are slowly being drained of precious vitamin D.

We sink deeper and deeper into that dim winter funk. 

We get fat. We get depressed. And yes, we have cocktails.

Are those few months of longer summer nights really worth it? Let me sleep on it and give you an answer in the morning. 

When it is still dark.